Hey People's!

[marikunin]

Hey people! :3

Mind posting some comments on my recent slew of fics? :)

I'd really appreciate some feedback! I need some encouragement to stave off my writers block.

Comments, suggestions, constructive criticism, all are welcome!

Thanks!

Comments

[underlankers.livejournal.com]

They are really good. :-). One thing I should note is that Ran Yu, the one pushing for adoption of firearms on a wide scale, would have modern 20th Century battle tactics already prepared from the Long War the Fire Nation's started.

Firebending would also enable a dramatic simplification of manufacturing modern firearms, which is what he'd be equipping his armies with. The Avatar-verse was already witnessing use of tanks and Dreadnoughts. I'd note that in the event of Ran Yu's revolution that his armies would have some unpleasant surprises for early battles, due in my view to the fact that well-equipped large armies armed with semi-automatic firearms against Benders would be able to work with Firebenders to pretty much run roughshod over the Airbenders and Water Benders.

The Earth Kingdom could in all likelihood by a We Have Reserves policy be blunting his armies if there were a sufficiently ruthless elite leading it.

I figure that given that the Fire Nation was basically to an extent Imperial Japan that Ran Yu's forces would be patterned after these guys:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Imperial_Japanese_Army

And that his firearms would be most like this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MP18 given that attempts to manufacture firearms on a large scale would be relatively new I don't figure that he'd be able to design an Uzi or a BAR right off the bat.

You handle dialogue and characterization very well. I think that helps with this fanfic as a lot of them are prone to bad dialogue and OOC moments where everything thus far flows together perfectly.

[sjounouchi.livejournal.com]

I'm pretty bad at critiquing, but I've enjoyed reading them so far!
I actually kinda like that each section is fairly short since I normally don't have the attention span to sit and read epically long fics in one sitting. :x

[uberta.livejournal.com]

Daaaaang, hon, why am I so inspiring to you? ;P

Right off the top of my head, I have a critique and a note.

Critique
You can't use past and present tense sentences one after another. You do this sometimes.

Note
I have four children. The oldest is six, the twins are 14 months, and the boy (who is adopted) is roughly 14.5 months. By coincidence, he is like a triplet to the twins. You don't need to edit this for your story, though. Just thought you already knew. I should really write a Who Are These People? guide in my journal.

Anyway, like I said -- dang, why me?! :P I do feel loved from ya!