Grasping a Shield of Hope in One Hand...

....but this song keeps making my heart ache. Today my heart was aching more than usual for Nick...maybe it was because I was rereading Troy by Adele Geras and the depictions of love and romance and sex kept hitting me across the head. I dunno....*sighs*
...Love confuses me. It causes pain and yet the pain is pleasurable at the same time. What's with that? It doesn't make any sense...why did God decide to make me fall in love with Nick? Sometimes at night when I'm alone in my bed and my body and heart are longing for him, I wonder.

But I am grateful for this love. No matter how much it hurts. It is the most beautiful, painful, wonderful thing that I've ever felt. And there is no way that I will let it go.

Not in a million years.